We can get married, but you can’t live here
We can get married, but you can’t live here
Pretty good chance I’ll be “Ms.” forever — cause I don’t like you like that
Writer’s note: This post was first published on Medium’s “Tickled” on October 19, 2020 and will now be permanently housed on Substack’s new “Tickled” column.
I was Today Years Old when I found out that I may have more in common with Desus from “Desus & Mero” than expected. I don’t always agree with the man, but I love their Showtime show and binge-watched all past episodes on Viceland. Other than their mutual love for dogs, I watch the show to laugh hysterically instead of bond with them. But when I opened up their book “God-Level Knowledge Darts: Life Lessons from the Bronx” and got to the relationship chapter, that was my first dap*-through-the-book moment when it came to bachelor-life Desus.
First bit of advice from Desus, “Rather than tell you what you should look for in a partner, here’s a quick list of who you shouldn’t look for … 2. People who don’t pet dogs when presented with the opportunity.”
BARS! (I think my position on dogs has been pretty well-documented here.)
Further “God-level knowledge” from Desus: “What’s the best way to find a partner? Again, I’m probably the wrong guy for this because I usually go solo — to ball games, movies, bars, etc. Partners = people who slow me down.”
I cannot begin to count the number of times I’ve had to explain this to people who wonder why I purposely have not told family members, friends and even (now ex-)boyfriends I was going on vacation until the week of. If you’re a loner, you fully understand how enjoyable it is to do everything on your own watch and not have to wait on anyone. (There are a handful of people who I love being in the company of. I’m dating none of these people though and still check their temperatures when I’m within a six-foot distance of them due to COVID-19.)
Steve Harvey, Tyrese, Rev Run and all the rest of these brothas can write their relationship books, but “God-Level Knowledge Darts” may be the most on point for extroverted introverts like me — who have never even humored the idea of wedding planning. Like birthdays (meaning it happens about once a year), someone new who knows me will ask me the same question I’ve been asked through my 20s and now in my 30s: “When are you going to get married?” My response (in 2020, it was last week) is always the same, “I don’t mind getting married. But he can’t live here.”
Recommended Read: “Go to White Castle on your honeymoon ~ Marriage advice from my grandfather, a real romantic”